Being organized is for the lazy

Yes, you read that right, and I am serious. I am organized, extremely organized – BECAUSE I AM LAZY. I don’t want nor do I have time time to hunt around my house for the scissors, my glasses, or find the one shirt or pair of shoes I am looking for. I need everything to be in its place so I know where it is and can find it without effort!

You might be thinking, yeah, that sounds great, in theory, but putting everything in its place all of the time takes a lot of work. That is just not true. Finding a place for something and keeping it there takes a few seconds and saves minutes, if not hours of time and immeasurable energy.

When a new item of any kind comes into my house, I find a home for it and keep it there – it is that simple. Here is an example.  If you have small children, this will speak to you! Children have toys, lots and lot of toys. Many of those toys have a lot of parts and pieces you need to keep track of. Take puzzles, for example. The moment my child got a puzzle, I would find a container or baggie of some kind and put all of the pieces in it, along with the puzzle cover image. I would then mark the back of each piece to indicate that it was the same puzzle, if it were a truck puzzle, maybe I would be a BIG RED T on the back of each piece. That took me less than a minute to do. But, if that puzzle got dumped out, played with and mixed in with other puzzle pieces or toys, it was easy for my son to find the pieces and put them back in the baggie when cleaning up. The next time we went to put that puzzle together, he would know where it was and that he had all of the pieces. Can you imagine the time, effort, and energy it would take to find all of the parts to a puzzle if they were not in a container, or if they were kept in the damaged box it came in, and pieces fell out, so the frustration level would reach a fever pitch if a piece or two was missing when trying to play with it. Or worse yet, it would never get played with because it was just a heap of cardboard cutouts at the bottom of a toy box.

This works for everything in my home. If I get a new kitchen gadget or even something as simple as a lighter for my candles, it goes in a specific drawer, and after I use it, I put it back in that same drawer every time and always know where it is when I need it. It sounds simple, and it is, but you would be surprised how many people do not do it and spend countless time looking for things.

I am full of simple ideas for organizing everything from photographs, to books, kitchen items, receipts, you name it. Read on!

I have a lot to say

I have spent 50 years (okay, almost 51) listening to that stupid voice in my head saying that I am not good enough, no smart enough, not talented enough, not interesting enough, and if I am being totally honest, not feeling valuable enough to share my thoughts or experiences. I mean,  who would want to listen to me? Who the hell do I think I am to share my story? Why is my story any more valuable than all of the famous writers, bloggers, and inspirational/motivational speakers?

Well, my story, my ideas, my thoughts are not more valuable than anyone else’s – they are just not less valuable either. I have fantastic ideas from how to be happier and live a more fulfilling life to how to organize your life to reduce stress and save money. I can share ideas for how to train your dog, how to cook, or even give advice on parenting or working out. I have information on all of these things – and more.

So why listen to me? Why not? Am I an expert? That voice inside my head is screaming, “NO, NO I am not an expert in any of this” but the answer is YES, yes I am an expert. I am an expert in my life and in my experiences. The lessons I have learned, the knowledge I have gained are 100% mine and they are worthy of sharing.  Read on!

This old dog has a new trick

One of my fondest childhood memories is of standing on a stool in my grandmother’s kitchen helping her cook. We made homemade pasta, bread, pizzelles, cheesecake, meatballs, and even jam. Times spent in the kitchen with my grandma were pure bliss. Based on that, you would think that I would love cooking. I do not.

My aunt says cooking is a creative endeavor and one of the best ways she knows to express love. I never considered it an expression of love. I eat to live; I do not live to eat… therefore food was always just sustenance to me.

But now, now I am learning to enjoy cooking! I still eat to live, but I am acquiring the joy of creating food for my friends and family.

Why the change? Believe it or not – keto. Yes, that is right, I decided to try out this keto craze everyone has been talking about and to do it right, it requires a lot of cooking. Not just cooking, but full on meal prep. Since starting this new way of eating, I have learned to make lots of wonderful meals like chicken bacon burgers, turkey meatloaf, spaghetti squash breakfast bake, spinach dip, cheese crackers, cauliflower mac-n- cheese, pistachio muffins, keto bread, and fabulous desserts like chocolate chip cookies, chocolate pudding, and pecan bark. I am making all of these things by myself and from scratch.

For me to be cooking from scratch is nothing short of a miracle. When I was single dinner was heating up a can of corn, and up until a few months ago, I didn’t even know how you would possibly make a cake or muffins without a premade mix.

I am truly happiest when helping, so the best part of cooking is that I get to help those friends that want to follow a keto diet by sharing my creations and my recipes. It fills my heart with joy to see them enjoy what I make and ask me for the recipe!

I am living proof that you can teach an old dog, new tricks.

Good Intent

One of the best strategies I have tried to apply in my life is to assume the good intentions of others. It is hard to do – extremely hard. Especially when people seemingly do things intentionally to hurt me, or my child.

I am not great at assuming good intent. I fail at it a lot. But I do try to keep it top of mind. When my emotions are spiraling out of control, I eventually ground myself by focusing on the fact that the person did not do it intentionally and probably didn’t even realize it hurt me. I try not to jump to conclusions or assume I know or understand their motives. If I have experienced that person to be good, honest, and true and if I have decided to keep them in my life, then this self-talk usually does the trick.

If I am hurt by someone I do not know that well or who I have experienced to be inherently selfish, then I still tell myself they had their own motives, and my hurt or disappointment is collateral damage. Their intent was not to hurt me. If I am wrong and they have ill intentions, karma will take care of them. I do not need to.

Make no mistake about it, assuming good intent in others does not make me weak or mean that I allow others to walk all over me. It says I love myself enough to choose happiness. It shows I am mature enough to know that karma exists. It means, I know I am not perfect and I have hurt people unintentionally, and I hope they can assume my good intent.

At the end of it all – I can’t control how people treat my family or me, all I can control is my emotions and my karma.

Do the work

A friend shared an interesting analogy with me today. We were talking about goals and trying to reach them, and he said, “it is the difference between wanting to weigh less and wanting to lose weight.” Think about it; this analogy can be applied to anything you want in life. Do you want to work somewhere else or do you want to get a new job? Do you want to be a millionaire or do you want to earn a million dollars? All too often we talk about what we want, but are not willing to do the work to achieve it – we just want it to appear somehow magically.

So, I am changing my mindset. I am going to focus on my wants, my desires, my goals and decide what actions I need to take to achieve them.

I want to be an author; I have a publisher that is interested in my story, but yet I have been unwilling to write a book! Instead of wanting to be an author, I will change my mindset to – I want to write a book. I WILL write a book. I will put in the long hours… the heart- wrenching, soul-searching, vulnerability-provoking hours!

I have already started the book. I started it a while ago, and I have partnered with the same friend that shared that analogy with me. I am already really proud of what we have created, but it needs a lot of work, work I am willing to do. Work that my friend is willing to do alongside me. Work we are going to do.

Remember, if there is something you want, think about what action you are taking to reach that goal. Are you doing the work? It is not always easy, but it is always worth it.

I look forward to sharing my story with you someday.

Do you hear that?

I was listening to a podcast recently when I was reminded of a message so poignant I felt compelled to blog about it. The message is a simple one: TRUST YOUR GUT – better known as your intuition; the ability to understand something instinctively.  Listen to that voice you hear when no one else is talking to you!

Here is the deal, and it applies to kids and adults alike, if anything feels slightly off about what you are doing or saying and your gut tells you it might be wrong – it probably is! That feeling is your intuition telling you how to live your truth.

If you are even a little bit ashamed or embarrassed, or if you can’t share openly or have to hide what you are doing – it is probably because your actions conflict with your morals. If you feel it is wrong – it is.

No one is perfect – we all can be guilty of doing things we are not proud of – but I think the trick is to recognize it, admit it, apologize (if needed), learn from it, and move on.

There are all sides to this too. It could be you are doing something that you have to keep hidden because deep down you know it is wrong, hurtful, or immoral – or it could be you are lying to yourself and openly doing something that is against your values.

I am guilty of the later. I am a “feeler” so I give a great deal of thought to how my actions will make other people feel and consequently do not act or speak my truth. I do what I think will make other people happy. I think I am being kind, but I am not being kind to myself. I am telling myself that I think OTHER people’s feelings are more important than mine. Not to mention, I am being so bold as to think I am powerful enough to control other people’s feelings too. I am NOT trusting my gut – my intuition – and not doing or saying the things I know would be right for me.

Feelings come from thoughts. Thoughts become things. I need to change my thoughts about myself and about how I want to frame my circumstances. There is a way to be self- loving while still being honest, kind, and respectful to others. That is the path I am going to take from this point forward. Will you MARCH with me?

Trust your gut. Listen to that voice. Feel all the feels in the pit of your stomach and act accordingly. If you have done something that conflicts with that, own it, do what you can to correct it, but mostly learn from it and do not repeat it. Make this world and your life a better place to be!

What shadow are you casting?

Hey, all you adults out there! Yeah, I am talking to you. If you are an adult, you have the unspoken, yet mandated task of leading by example and sending good messages to children – all children. Period. We all influence children in one way or another. Whether your influence is as a family member, friend, teacher, coach, doctor, or group leader – casting a good shadow should be the beacon guiding your decisions, word choice, and behavior. To do anything less is shameful.

We adults have created this “everyone gets a trophy” society – where we coddle our kids. Helicopter parents have been replaced with lawnmower parents – mowing down everything that might touch, harm, or make their child’s life difficult in any way. This is not a healthy shadow to cast. Children need to fail, they need to learn from their mistakes, and the need to suffer consequences.

We need to stop reinforcing lazy, disrespectful, dishonorable behavior.  We need to honor and praise the good, the true, and the beautiful in every child by holding them to a high standard and giving them real, meaningful consequences for their bad behavior and choices. We need to put their right to grow up to be strong, courageous, dutiful adults in front of our desire to be nice or worse, in front of our fear of being confronted by their lawnmower parent.

So, to all you adults out there that are giving kids a “free pass” and NOT holding them to the highest standard possible – shame on you.

Spread Kindness

I always say that I am happiest when I am helping – and I mean it. There is nothing greater than the feeling of helping someone in need of assistance. It could be as simple as opening a door, or cooking a meal, or even taking care of a task for them at work. I don’t do it because I need or want anything in return and I don’t do it for the praise. I do it because I love the feeling of knowing I spread just a little bit of joy, or eased a little bit of anxiety, or just helped make someone’s day a little bit easier. It is my way of paying it forward, spreading kindness, and leading by example. #kindandconfident #happytohelp #spreadkindness

Build Your Kindness Muscle

November 13 is World Kindness Day. This sparks love and inspiration in my soul. I try to be kind. My personal motto is “Be Kind and Confident.” I admit I fail at this sometimes. Oh, who am I kidding, I fail a lot, which is why I say that I TRY to be kind. I am not perfect. I can lash out. I can be down-right mean and don’t even get me started if you hurt my child and my mama bear claws come out (I know I am not alone in that). But the truth is my heart’s desire is to be kind. Be kind to people. Be kind to animals. Be kind to the environment. Be kind to myself. That is my truth.
When I am not kind, my process is to reflect on what insecurity I have or what mental model or paradigm was engaged when this occurred, and then I forgive myself. I focus on the times I am kind and work on having better reactions in situations that may bring out the not-so-good side of me.
Kindness is a muscle. You need to work to build it up. Maybe take one small step on November 13 and do something kind for someone – then bask in the feelings of the joy it brings you. Remember that feeling in the days to come and see if you can start to build your kindness muscle.

Find your happiest

I spent my childhood believing different was dreadful. Being different meant being teased. It meant being ostracized. It meant feeling alone and like I did not fit in anywhere. I grew up being president, vice president, and all the members of my exclusive club of one. I longed just to be like everyone else. It took me a long time to finally realize the thing that made me different, could lead to my greatest joy – helping others.

I have always said that I am happiest when I am helping, but I never felt “happiest.” There was something missing. I never really felt fulfilled. Sure, I feel pleasure when I am helping a friend or family member. I am there when people need me – but it isn’t enough. I never felt like I was really making a difference. I want to change the world. Not in the way it sounds. I don’t need to solve the world’s problems, (although that would be nice)  but I want to make a significant contribution.

It took me almost 50 years to realize the very thing that makes me different, the thing I thought was dreadful about myself,  is also my ticket to finding my bliss, to finding real joy. The satisfaction of making a real impact on a life. I am on a mission to share my positive message of difference and acceptance. To write a book about my life experiences. To help children and families successfully navigate that which I have personally survived… that is my joy. That is my bliss. That is my purpose. For me, the thing that makes me different is also the thing that makes my life truly divine. Sharing this message will make me “happiest.”

The path to this way of thinking was a journey I didn’t even know I was on – until I got here. It is a journey, not a single day or event, but a culmination of experiences that delivered me to this understanding that I am exactly who I am meant to be.

Thinking about why something happens to you gets you nowhere. Deciding what to do with that experience, is powerful. Life is messy. Having a facial difference makes it messier.  Each of us has a unique set of experiences, making us different in our own way. Being different is divine!